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[01 Oct 2007|04:22am] |
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so considering it was leaked online months ago I'm sure I'm the only one who thought dexter was pretty goddamn amazing tonight.
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| buy my shit! |
[02 Jan 2007|09:45am] |
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im currently moving in less than two weeks to a much smaller studio, so im trying to get rid of lots of extra stuff, laying around...
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[25 Oct 2006|12:41am] |
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its really late and im still awake, which isnt too surprising considering my sleeping schedule has been totally crashed for the last week or so. things with jeremy and i are going wonderful as usual. ive just been feeling really terrible about things. ive cut a lot of people out of my life recently, all for good reason, but i cant help but feel really alone. i have all this time during the day to just sit and be alone, and while it used to be really comforting, im finding it unentertaining and dismal. ive just become so apathetic towards the monotony of everything lately. its like i wake up and jeremy is gone and then after being alone all day, he comes home and that is all the fun i ever have. its pretty astonishing that my only real entertainment and "friends" while he gone are the books ive been burying myself into lately. jeremy and i have always been so responsible from the get-go and hes so amazing, i just hate watching him rot at his job. i want to just scoop him out of bed, grab a bag of clothes, grab the kitties and leave. just drive somewhere, anywhere. wherever the heart leads us. i didnt even grow up here, and i want out so badly. i never feel at home, at ease. ive always been the kind of person who wished for something more, another place, i could never stay and just be comfortable and i worry about that. im taking this test for a job next week, and im praying that i get it and that i can move us away somewhere. anywhere. and then it'll be there that my heart feels w h o l e.
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[20 Oct 2006|11:09am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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the robot ate me |
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things have been going really good! our money problems are basically over, which is a huge relief. i got a job working with jeremy. the first day was total hell, but the second wasnt too bad. unfortunately, i was super PMS-ing, to the point of crying for no absolute reason, that i ended up quitting 1/2 through my second day. i wasnt really sure why or what was wrong but when i drove home, i got my period and then when i checked the mail i had recieved a test packet from the government for a job... it pretty much was a rollercoaster of a day but ended up working out beautifully!
ive been ordering lots of out of print books lately, which is wonderful! and ive also been running out and renting every single disc of six feet under too... i definately appreciate it more now, the second time.
thanks for all the thoughts of concern, without you i wouldve never been able to get thru it all.
love shelli
ps. the weather has been soooooooooo wonderful lately!
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[03 Oct 2006|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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elephant parade |
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[02 Oct 2006|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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death cab |
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everything seems to be getting worse. even when i was unaware that was even possible...
i just dont know what to do these days.
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[26 Sep 2006|01:41pm] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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music |
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sufjan stevens |
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everything is going goooood. jeremy is a vegetarian now, so it makes cooking a lot easierrrr. we've been eating lots and lots of veggie stir fries. and hes even warmed up to soy cheese! im proud... ! we're doing this new diet, by the guy that does celebrity fit club, im not really one for diets but since i can barely button a lot of my old clothes, we went to barnes and noble and looked through all the books. his seemed to be the best choice, youre still allowed to eat and after a short while basically anything you want in moderation. ive lost about 9lbs in 3-4 days so its working pretty nicely.
quitting smoking isnt really working, at all, we're working out everyday so i figure if i want the occasional smoke within my schedule its not a biggie--i have cut down dramatically so i think quitting will be a lot easier next time without completely throwing myself into it.
im also going to be getting a job at jeremys work, which really is more for me to have something to do. being at home was really amazing and relaxing but now that ive been doing it for months ive become bored, basically it'll allow us to spend more time together and obviously have more money. im going there on saturday for some fall carnival thing (YAWN) but at least it'll give me the opportunity to check it out and what not.
fall is coming and i couldnt be happier! besides the obvious that i have to go shopping for new clothes and being married has done NOTHING for my figure, im still really happy about the idea about gathering my scarves out of the closet and going and skipping rocks at the lake.
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[07 Sep 2006|08:27am] |
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music |
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sufjan stevens. |
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trying to quit smoking is going good. not so good.
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| photo work |
[05 Sep 2006|12:14pm] |
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music |
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rilokileylive. |
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| dream; |
[29 Aug 2006|08:12am] |
for the first time in a long time i cant remember all the details.
1;
im at party, or get together.
with jeremy.
we are staying in a guys room, that i know. ben.
i get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
someone checks me out.
somehow, when i open the door it comes off the hinges.
everyone is hanging out. and i keep explaining that the door
just fell off the hinges and that i didnt try and remove
anything. someone says that ben is going to be mad so we
better fix it. we all try. im upset because i dont feel like
i really did it. i kinda liked the door closed. no one could
bother or see in then.
the feeling of contentness with the door
even though its broken as long as its over the hinges
to block everything out is weird. but still feeling the small panic
probably means that at this point i have no desire for inner
exploration or self discovery-but im a little nervous that maybe
thats not okay.
2;
a group of friends (mainly people i all know from michigan) are
playing riddles or puzzles on a chalkboard and benny (apparently
the ben theme is big in these) goes to the board and writes
"20people..........20...20" the reoccuring theme of 20 is everywhere.
(the details of that one are kinda sketchy because for some reason
i lost the really long list of details when i woke up)
well i know that the number two (which i got because 2+0) means balance.
partnership. diversity. soul. it can symbolize a double weakness
or strength. also duality is big in that. meaning yin to yang.
mother to father. male to female.
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| dream; |
[24 Aug 2006|06:30am] |
jeremy and i driving.
with friends.
end up at an airport where i walk into a classroom
and my high school guidance counselor is there.
i tell her that i dropped some keys in barbra walters
filing cabinet and i was supposed to come and get them
and get the set out of the water fountain in order to give them to her;
she seems very standoffish but allows me to do this.
where i see two sisters who are much younger than i and i know
due to their friendship with my little stepbrother;
the youngest one asks me if i would like to see the water fountain
because it is "cool". it is very long and the neck is kind of like
a long elegant sink. it has a handle on the right side that is white, porcelean.
and as shes showing it to me, i realize that the water fountain
is no water fountain, in fact it is a sink to wash your hands
complete with soap.i somehow get my job done of getting the keys,
however i never really have posession of them. i grab my backpack and set on my way
out of the airport which by now is very very busy. it is two story and it appears to be
during some kind of christmas time. hence, the tree and decorations. i am lost;
i look for jeremy or any sign of my two friends. nothing. i pick up my phone (which is my real phone)
and ring jeremy and begin to ask him where he is, he tells me he is right where i left him.
although there are lots of school buses and people crowding my way. i distinctly see
a friend of mine who is unmissable amongst the crowd and call his name to get his attention.
he hears me and turns around and at which point jeremy informs me not to talk to anyone
because there is a god of terror who is on the loose and is making an appearance
through people that day.
i then am currently in my house watching television in which an irish actor is on
the television talking about how he would love to make a real true movie about
his home-Dublin.
there was more that i cant recall and i remember waking up with the feeling
a spider was crawling on me.
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[22 Aug 2006|06:13pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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rilokileylive. |
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i really like checking the mail and getting postcards.
its become my most enjoyable part of the day.
postcard swap, anyone?
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[21 Aug 2006|10:45am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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rilo kiley live |
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ive really enjoyed this summer.
ive spent most of my time enjoying the little things;
reading books on the couch.
watching movies with my lover.
gardening and making cookies.
its strange that all this stuff never meant anything to me before-
i never did them.
or had intentions on it.
and now i realize all of it has made my summer-
the most beautiful few months my eyes and heart have ever seen.
felt.
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[05 Jun 2006|03:39pm] |
so we're not going to have internet for about two weeks until we get settled in our new place.
everyone leave me happy things so that when i get back i can be enthralled with joy that i am loved and missed!
ps. so i hear a "letter" i wrote venus zine is in there.. page 6? mmkay. even though, i wrote no email and actually said it to the photo editors who kept offering me&then not offering me jobs.
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[03 Jun 2006|09:03pm] |
so. my roomate is a complete fucking moron. apparently our landlord did contact her about fixing all our sewage problems and she never told me! that was over a month ago, so here i am sending this letter practically the meanest letter ive ever written in my life saying that she is a fucking douche when my roomate had talked to her the whole time! i want to punch the shit out of her! i mean seriously, if i were to have taken her to court and filed charges i wouldve just lost because she has phone records that she spoke to her! ugh.
we're still moving out, but i hope she ends up homeless, seriously.
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[02 Jun 2006|04:46pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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garden state soundtrack |
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everything is going good for now, i havent been feeling good but ive still been packing and cleaning since sometimes doing stuff makes me feel better faster... ehh. im reallllyyyy happy we're moving out of here, im not paying this june's rent, because i read a ton of stuff online about the legal limitations of how my landlord isnt taking care of the house like she should... im kinda worried about all of it, just because if there are any problems my name is the only one on the lease, so ill go down alone :( im sure it'll be okay, i mean ive made sure to take photographs and stuff like that, but i just worry because i cant find all the receipts of shit ive had to pay to fix stuff. hopefully she wont try and take me to court or sue me, i just want to get out of this place peacefully and quickly! although our roomate doesnt seem to understand the importance of moving out, apparently she applied for one apartment (which is subsidized even though she has lots of money in the bank?) anyway,, i told her she may be in trouble if she stayed here past the time i moved out, but she still went home this weekend and hasnt found a place, as shitty as it sounds i have no other choice but to say fuck it and let her deal with whatever comes when we're gone. her name isnt on the lease and i have a feeling if the landlord wanted to be a dick she could probably call the cops and have her kicked out the same day, i guess if shes not worried about it, neither am i. who knows. i hate that our relationship has gotten so bad, but i just dont get her, or her actions or decisions and it was probably a mistake to move in with someone whos only 18 and coming from their parents home. i just hope she doesnt do anything to make this situation worse for me.
anyway, im happy that we're moving. the house is terribly cute and i know its going to be a lot better for us to have our own place. we have yet to have that, so i think it'll be a good change, to be able to walk around in our underwear and not be uncomfortable in our own home.
just pray or keep me in your thoughts, in case my landlord is a douche bag mmkay?
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[31 May 2006|07:26pm] |
we got the houseeee!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!
and its cute, the size we were looking for, brand new and in a good neighborhood! (+ cheaper than others!) im sooooooo happy!
we're moving next week!
goodbye shitty house/landlord!
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[31 May 2006|12:55am] |
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everything has been so crazy! im married now (things went pretty good on friday) and it really doesnt feel any different, which is good because theres like no adjustment needed. im pretty happy about that. basically everything is going good. we're going to look at a house tommorow, and i really hope it works out because itd be a big relief to be out of t his house and in a house where everything isnt falling apart. i am just praying that it works out for now. so if you can, please pray or think about us, because your thoughts would be really appreciated.
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[18 Apr 2006|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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iron and wine. |
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i know i only have a few days left but im dreading the next few days of classes, ive pretty much decided that im going to avoid everyone at all costs, this last time i heard shit is enough. im done people talking about me, when they have no idea. i know i take things to personally and it probably meant nothing but im done, im sick of it. i dont go out of my way to talk shit about people. i have a life outside of school. i come home and take care of the boy of my dreams and the last thing i want is to worry about a group of bitches who cant keep their mouthes shut.
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